Non-Working Mom

Although I love my job as a child therapist, I have been considering the possibility of leaving work for a while, honestly since Sarah was born. But something continued to hold me back.

Maybe it was the idea that you have to have 3 kids to say home because that's what my mom (aka Supermom) did.

Maybe it was the amount of money my parents invested in my education; an amount that is probably greater than the total amount of money I have made in my chosen field.

But most likely it was the job itself that kept me going. The hugs from my "other kids", my clients.  The moment when I SAW the shift in a child's perspective about the abuse. The goose bumps that appeared on my arms as I watched a group of school-age kids support and transform one another.

Tiles painted by our clients

However, there were unintended negative side effects of the job as well. Lying awake at night worrying about a client's safety. The feelings of anger and frustration at dealing with the systems involved in the lives of my clients. And the unavoidable bleeding between personal and professional responses as more of my clients reached the same age as my children at home.

The turmoil I was experiencing became apparent during our visit to Disney World last spring. An important court case was scheduled during our trip and I was obviously unavailable to testify. My client and her mother were incredibly distraught that I would not be with them. I was incredibly distraught that I would not be there to offer my opinion or support my client, and all my preparations before leaving could not relieve that guilt. As I texted and communicated with the attorneys while in Disney World, I felt guilty for allowing my job to intrude on my time with my family. And I knew it was time to stop working for a while.

The end was also somewhat inevitable with Max starting kindergarten. The biggest drawback of working with children is that they need after-school appointments. With my own child in school, "after-school" would be my only time to spend with him during the week, so even a flexible schedule was not going to be flexible enough.

Heart sculpture outside the agency

As I finished my last Hero group, said goodbye to my individual clients, and met with attorneys for the final time, I struggled with the idea of leaving. Leaving the agency that I helped shape into a nationally recognized authority over the past 7 years, leaving the fight against child abuse, leaving the professional part of my life as an expert in trauma, and leaving all the children, the real heroes, who have made handprints on my heart. 

Hero banner created by my clients 

My coworkers were amazingly supportive and the director insisted I could come back at any time, whether it was a few weeks or a few years. They even provided me with some life-saving materials like earplugs, wine, and a cookbook!

As much as I agonized over the decision, hearing Max exclaim his happiness that I was going to be at home full-time reassured me that I made the right decision for our family. Sarah is clearly thrilled and Frank could not be more smug about having attention throughout the day. Bring on the new challenges of stay-at-home mommyhood!