Potty Mouth

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT FIND THE BOWEL MOVEMENTS OF A THREE YEAR OLD ENTERTAINING.

"Mommy, I got 3 bites out!"

"I have to use my big, strong muscles in my tummy to get the poop to come out the back."

(As he shuts the bathroom door) "I need some private time Mommy because I have my penis out."

(As he moves the little potty into the doorway) "Let's leave the door open so we can talk while I go to the potty."

When he returns from the bathroom without any pants or underwear on:

"Max, what do you to do at school when you go the bathroom?"

"Well, first I take my penis out of my pants and then I aim it down in the potty. Then I have to move it around a little to get the peepee off." (Visual demonstration)

"And do you pull your pants up yourself?"

"Uh-huh, well I have to cover my penis back up!"

"I got a really big one out and its shaped like an 'S'!"

"Why are you sitting on the little potty?"

"Because I have so much in my tummy and it looks bigger in there!"

(Loud poot) "That means I have to go poop when I make that noise. That was a really loud one! I bet it woke up Sarah!"

You were warned.