"Baby Meat Market" by Baby Max

In the beginning, I had no distinct fears as Mommy and Daddy were loading the car. We have been spending a lot of time packing and unpacking lately. However, I began to experience a general feeling of anxiety as we crossed the state line. Where could be going, hurdling down the highway at maximum speed with me backwards and restrained? I pretended to sleep, hoping to discover the secret plans of Mommy and Daddy. Had Frank put them up to this? Was this an assassination attempt? I grew more and more agitated. After an extremely long period of time shackled in the car, we arrived in Louisville, home of the Underground Baby Market. This was it. Frank had somehow managed to convince Mommy and Daddy to get rid of me.

They carted me around the city and introduced me to various buyers. I was poked, prodded, and cajoled to bare my teeth like some sort of animal. They wanted to hear my noises and for me to demonstrate my skills. I would not succumb to their trickery! I managed to escape the clutches of the potential clients on the first day and attempted to purchase a disguise that night. Surely they would no longer recognize me as the baby for sale!

Alas, my hopes were dashed when I was shaken from my slumber and taken to an outdoor meat market for babies! Oh, the pinching and the measuring of my chubby legs and cheeks! The indignity of my private areas exposed for the world to see as I was stripped! I was passed from one buyer to the next without a thought for my comfort. 

And there were so many others for sale! All shapes, sizes, and ages. One girl fell on the playground and the damage was so severe that she was immediately snatched up. The others ran wildly, trying to escape before they too could be taken. It was madness. The day lasted forever as they tested our endurance skills. Eventually, we were lined up so that the merchandise could be compared. 

Although the superior specimen, I managed to hide my positive attributes. Others were chosen and gradually drifted away. At the end of the day, Mommy and Daddy were forced to reclaim me! Upon my return home, I will reign more forcefully to prevent them from imagining that they can be rid of me so easily. I must also keep a close eye on Frank to make sure he is not plotting against me...... Heil Baby!

Postscript: No babies were harmed in the making of this story. No babies were manipulated for photos in an effort to compare them to the Fuhrer.