Dear Ms. Paltrow,
I am writing to inform you that I hold a great treasure in my possession. I see that your son appears to be greatly attached to a small, striped tiger. I wish for you to know that I have the tiger's twin! Yes, I know you have been searching for the tiger's long lost twin for many years. I struggled with whether or not I should reveal his location to you. His twin has come to love being with me and is very attached. I have named him "Pelt". I see from these photos that you have actively begun a worldwide search for him. However, if you ever want to obtain Pelt, I will insist upon certain demands being met:
A Payment of One Meee-lll-ion Dollars
Lifetime Supply of Cheerios
Guarantee that Pelt will be the Lovey of Choice for your son
Yes, I am holding Pelt for ransom! He is my most prized companion and I could only part with him for an exorbitant amount of money and assurances of his well-being. You may contact my representative to make the necessary arrangements. Remember, I will not be double-crossed! The stakes are very high, but I hope your son's happiness means more to you than money.
Sincerely,
Max
King of Babies
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